Not one of your better reviews, Craig!

TO: Craig LaBan
Subject: Swallow

Read your Swallow review. Disappointed!

It bothers me to no end when accolades are withheld for vaguely defined or dubious reasons.

You took issue with their color scheme? Maybe it's authentic brothel?

You gave Standard Tap, great place, a free shot in the Swallow review, justifiably rhapsodizing over their duck confit. Have you ever run your finger across the woodwork or knick knacks at the Tap? Probably not. Our grungy Tap server, really nice kid, brought out our plates with a kitchen rag hanging out of his rear pocket that was a mini vomitorium of grease, gravy and stiff old stains. I was hungry and worked hard to keep my wife in her chair. If I was a health inspector, I'd have strung yellow tape across the entrance until they dipped the restaurant and the entire staff in hot soapy water.

Why would you take issue with common cheeses like Pierre Robert and Prima Donna? No more ubiquitous than Gorgonzola or Reg. They're there because they're delicious as is the honeycomb on that plate. Maybe the bleu D'Avergne and raw milk Tomme weren't ready that day. And if the frog's legs were underseasoned, fine. But they always look human with their ankles crossed. It's a wrong menu item , always has been.

You loved the crab cake but still took a shot. Bitter salad greens? Was it rocket, treviso, endive? Since when is bitter a pejorative when discussing greens? When I was young broccoli rabe was called bitter broccoli and we loved it. The trout was a "shade" overcooked? Maybe he was acceding to complaints about too moist fish and was being accommodating. And was the fish overcooked on all of your several visits? I've been served "nearly" burnt brown almonds in Paris. A bit too long in the beurre noir? I can live with that. Isn't it your job, indeed duty, to say whether it was burnt or not?

Mussels "relatively" flavorless? Flavorless or not? Tell us! Ambiguity is not a word a writer should relish unless one's writing a suspense novel.

You probably hurt these kids and not for any solid reasons and that is power poorly exerted!
I'd put them on the top of my revisit list real soon. That's a 2 bell restaurant. And Craig, when you want to grind your axe, head for the nearest Chang's or Red Lobster, and not for a couple of young restaurateurs trying desperately to make a contribution to the city and to their craft.